Dead Parrot FAQ
My parrot isn't moving. Is it dead?
No, no, it's resting! Look, it's beautiful plumage. Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue. Stunned, possibly. Pining for the fjords.
Do you offer returns?
If the parrot fails to move, squawk, or respond to a vigorous prod, we will consider a replacement. Note: parrots nailed to their perches do not qualify for returns (a widespread industry practice).
What's the difference between a resting parrot and an ex-parrot?
An ex-parrot has ceased to be, expired, gone to meet its maker, kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleedin' choir invisible. A resting parrot is asleep.
Do you sell anything other than parrots?
Yes. We also stock Vikings, rabbits of unusual aggression, cheese (limited availability — do check), and one (1) dead bishop found on the landing.
Is there a warranty?
Ninety (90) days against unexpected demise. Does not cover: being run over by a tiny cart, excessive fjord-pining, or voluntary choir enlistment.
Where are you located?
Bolton. Although the sign does say "Ipswich." That's a pun. Spelled wrong. On purpose. For legal reasons.